I Love My Job… Is That Possible?

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I’m a bit of a pessimist. I 100% believed I would never any job I’ll ever have in my life. I mean who wants to get up and do the same routine everyday? Surely not me! I’ve had several jobs and I vehemently hated them all. In fact, there were times I would literally be brought to tears when I realized I had to show up to work that day. Fast forward eight months and now, I am eager to get to my job. I even spend some of my free time looking at ways to improve my work.

I’ve heard others say they have loved their jobs. But, I have heard more people talk about how they hate it and are stuck in this horrible cycle. Finding a job isn’t easy, having a good boss is no guarantee, and coworkers can be a handful. I almost wanted to just continue onto graduate school so I could put off getting my first “real” job. Of course, things don’t always happen as planned. I knew I needed legitimate job experience before launching into graduate school.

So here I am, in total awe that I enjoy work. I am not somebody who generally “likes” things. I enjoy complaining and I have no problem dramatizing things in my life.

I’m hoping this post hasn’t totally jinxed my job now!

I’ll Flourish With Or Without Your Help!

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I depend way too much on others for my happiness and success. Hearing the sentence, “Good luck surviving without me!” during a break up is like a punch to the gut. I feel like if I was left on my own I would just crumble because I need the support from others. I like to think of myself as independent; when it comes down to it I lean others. This is partially from my anxiety, it gets exhausting dealing with it on my own.

So, what happens when these people leave my life? What if we get into a terrible fight and they walk out on me? I want to be positive that I will be able to get through it. I want to know that I can be successful and strong without the help of others. I can’t depend on others for my happiness, motivation, and security. Because let’s face it… people aren’t going to be there for you 24/7.

I don’t know if others feel this way. I’ve never heard any of my friends talk about this. Would you have trouble flourishing in life if your friend/significant other/family member disappeared from your life?

Everything Happens For A Reason…?

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This is always something I’ve been on the fence about. Does everything really happen for a reason? I would like to think this statement is true, but then I look back on my life and just don’t believe it. Like, what was the reason for having my computer die on me? Or failing yet another math test? I mean, maybe these are all pieces to a puzzle.

I’m not just talking about myself either. There’s so many people in the world with much harder lives than me. I can’t imagine why they have to go through these things. For example… abuse, death, addiction, poverty, etc. What would the reason for these to exist? To learn a lesson? It’s just so hard for me to come to terms with saying that a person is abused for a reason. What could that reason possibly be?

I wonder if following this sentiment is even beneficial. If I screw up in any way I’ll just think, welp that’s just how it was meant to be! I would constantly find excuses for my wrongdoings or failures.

Perhaps I’m not understanding this statement properly. I believe it means that everything in my life is already planned out and I’m just filling in the blanks everyday. But… that doesn’t sound like any fun, does it? Shouldn’t life be more like those choose your own path novels. Where every decision I make slightly alters my life.

Excuse me if I’m not making any sense. I’m sick and instead of sleeping it off I’m sitting here pondering about the meaning of life!

200 Followers!!

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Yay! I’ve reached 200 followers and I’m so thankful for everyone that reads what I post! I didn’t think my blogging would turn into anything, I was nervous to even begin. Now I can tell you, it’s a great feeling to be “heard”.

I’ve interacted with so many great people through WordPress. It’s such a joy for me to follow and read other blogs.

This is a short post but I wanted to say thank you to everyone who reads, comments, likes, and follows my posts! So, with that I say thank you (again) for all your support 🙂

 

Having An Unaffectionate Parent Is Hard

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My mom is very outgoing, happy, and affectionate. My dad on the other hand is very straight to the point, not very affectionate, and speaks his mind. Both my parents have great qualities to them and have helped me so much in life. It just has been hard growing up with a parent that wasn’t affectionate.

I wouldn’t describe him as “fatherly”. It annoyed me watching movies and seeing the dads in them because they were nothing like mine. I used to compare my dad to my friend’s dads. Once my dad even got me to compare my friends dad’s to him, asking me who was nicer. I know my dad cares for me and wanted me to succeed but he doesn’t do a great job at showing it. I don’t fully blame him, he grew up in a very “broken” household. He is far better than his own father, which I give him a lot of credit for.

I always wanted a dad that was laid back and approachable. My dad is the complete opposite of laid back. Being around him is like walking on eggshells to make sure that nothing is said or done to annoy him. There are times, though, that his “fatherly” side will shine through the rest of his personality. If anyone is sick in my family he becomes extremely concerned and caring. That gives me some sense of relief to know that he has a soft spot.

Sometimes I look back on my childhood and teen years and wonder what it would have been like to have a father more like my mother. Would my life be better? Would my anxiety be less? I can ask myself these questions over and over again, but what is the point? You can’t change someone, especially not your own parent. Plus, I should just be grateful that I have a father in my life.

Blogging Has Taught Me That There’s Always Someone Willing To “Listen”

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As a naturally shy and quiet girl, I tend to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself. Blogging was a huge step for me because I never really expressed myself especially not so publicly. To be honest, I wrote my first blog post with no expectations. I didn’t think a single person would read my blog, I mean why should they? It’s nothing but my personal thoughts… isn’t that boring? Fast forward to a little over a month later and I’m shocked that people are visiting my site!

It’s crazy to me that people are willing to read what I write. In life I always feel like my thoughts or ideas are going to sound dumb so I just hide them. Now that I’m able to express myself freely it’s so exciting to see that people like my ideas! Sure, it’s still a bit scary to hit the publish button but I don’t fear judgement as much as I used to.

It’s quite comforting to me to know that people all over the world are sending me positive messages. That’s why I like to take my time and follow and read as many different blogs as possible. I wonder if others feel this way too.

Should Bloggers Remain Anonymous Online?

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This is something I haven’t figured out yet. I have told a few people that I blog and the most common question I get is, “Do you hide your identity?”. I understand why they are asking, they want to make sure I’m safe online. I’m in general a very private person so creating a blog was a big step for me. I haven’t mentioned my age or name specifically, but I’m sure somehow it could be found out! Since my posts can be pretty personal and opinionated I get nervous that if someone doesn’t like something I post they will harass me. I hate having people mad at me.

I know, I’m probably being paranoid. I have posted a few pictures of myself on my blog but have taken strides to make sure that my face isn’t shown. I like how beauty bloggers show their outfits and make up without hesitating too much about showing their face. I wish I was able to do that without getting nervous!

So I’m sitting here reconsidering how private I should be on my blog. I like connecting with my readers, it just feels a bit odd doing it anonymously.