Everyone is getting engaged…

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Scrolling through my Facebook today I realized that holy crap tons of people I know are getting engaged. Now don’t get me wrong, I am happy for them. I think it’s great they have found someone they want to spend the rest of their life with. But then I think about myself. I have a job, I’ve applied to graduate school, there’s a guy in my life. I just can’t imagine myself being engaged. I still feel like a kid most of the time. It also doesn’t help that I’m very petite, I basically look like a freshman in high school. If my guy was to ask me to get engaged right now I would probably laugh. I just don’t feel adult enough yet.

Of course I worry that I’ll get engaged when I’m too old (is it possible to be too old?). I guess it’s mostly due to societal pressure. Once I start creeping into my late twenties I will probably start getting antsy. Right now I’m 24 and I’d much rather focus on myself because quite honestly, I don’t have the qualities to be a wife just yet.  It’s funny to think that my peers are off getting married and purchasing houses while I am literally sitting on the couch writing a blog while eating ramen.

Don’t even get me started on my friends that already have a family….

Still wondering how do adults even make friends?

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I seriously don’t know how to make friend. I mean, I did have friends in school. Sure, I wasn’t the most popular person but I definitely had someone to eat lunch with. My current job has me working alone most of the time so I don’t see my coworkers much. When I do see them I don’t know how to ask if they want to hang out after work. They all seem to have their own separate exciting lives.

All of this was prompted by my dad coming up to me this evening and asking, “So what do you do on the computer? All you do is work and then go on the computer.” He has somewhat of a point. I just don’t know how to make friends anymore. It doesn’t help that I’m shy.

What makes it even worse is looking at my Facebook or Snapchat and seeing everyone’s exciting daily adventures. I’m pretty sure the most excitement I’ve had all week is buying a new pair of jeans. You would think that at almost 24 years old I would have figured this stuff out by now. Nope.

Thanks dad for reminding me that I’m basically friendless.

Apparently Adulthood Means No Real Summer Vacation!

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I loved summer, and still do. I love when it finally starts to warm up and I can sit out on the deck reading a book while sipping iced tea. I love not having to wear 3 layers of clothing just so I don’t freeze to death outside. I used to spend my summers traveling around with my family.

Now, adulthood has officially come. This is my first true summer since graduating. Last summer I spent my time traveling around by myself exploring new places. This summer I’ll be working  to make sure I have enough money to pay for my car insurance etc. Don’t get me wrong – I love my job! But I can’t help but look out the window and think to myself of all the things I could be doing. Which in reality I probably wouldn’t do anyway, but it’s nice to imagine!

So I guess summer is no longer going to be that fun, hang out all day type of thing anymore. I didn’t even realize it up until now that adults don’t really have much of a summer. I mean sure they may have a week or two off but it’s just not the same.

Sigh. I already wish I was a kid again!

I Love My Job… Is That Possible?

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I’m a bit of a pessimist. I 100% believed I would never any job I’ll ever have in my life. I mean who wants to get up and do the same routine everyday? Surely not me! I’ve had several jobs and I vehemently hated them all. In fact, there were times I would literally be brought to tears when I realized I had to show up to work that day. Fast forward eight months and now, I am eager to get to my job. I even spend some of my free time looking at ways to improve my work.

I’ve heard others say they have loved their jobs. But, I have heard more people talk about how they hate it and are stuck in this horrible cycle. Finding a job isn’t easy, having a good boss is no guarantee, and coworkers can be a handful. I almost wanted to just continue onto graduate school so I could put off getting my first “real” job. Of course, things don’t always happen as planned. I knew I needed legitimate job experience before launching into graduate school.

So here I am, in total awe that I enjoy work. I am not somebody who generally “likes” things. I enjoy complaining and I have no problem dramatizing things in my life.

I’m hoping this post hasn’t totally jinxed my job now!

I Have All These Ideas But No Motivation

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Story of my life. I have all these great ideas in my head. Why don’t I reorganize my bedroom? Learn a new skill?  Make plans to travel to New Zealand? Or apply to graduate school? 

Unfortunately, the step from thinking of an idea to actually taking action is just too big for me. I am inherently lazy, and this may be the reason why I like daydreaming of such plans but rather not get off my butt. I may be more inclined to get moving if I see that there’s a “reward” in sight. Today, I rewarded myself with a mini tiramisu simply because I started looking into graduate schools. I made essentially no progress but I very much deserved the cake! Basically I’m like a dog… doing tricks just for the treats.

I’m lucky that I can get by like this now. I don’t have others depending on me. Like, what will happen when I get married and have kids? I can’t imagine being an unmotivated parent. My own parents are extremely motivated and don’t let things get in their way. I, on the other hand, just can’t see me forming into that type of person. I thought adulthood would change me but that isn’t the case. Maybe parenthood will be thing that will catalyze change!

If only it was as easy to do things as it is to think things.

How Do Adults Even Make Friends?!

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Making friends seems harder the older I get. I had a good group of friends in elementary and middle school. As I moved onto high school it was a little harder because I moved around quite a bit. During college it wasn’t too hard to make friends, especially during the years I lived on campus. Now that I’m out of college I find making friends so difficult.

I have job, but it’s a therapist position so I don’t have coworkers I interact with; the majority of my work is done with my clients and supervisor. This has left me feeling totally at loss when it comes to making friends. Where am I even going to meet people?

I think about volunteering and joining groups but since I’m such an introvert I would much rather chill at home. I know this doesn’t help when it comes to making friends. That being said, it would be nice to have people to go out with since most of the people I am friends with no longer live in my area. I’m just tired of doing things alone and honestly it would be great to have more people to talk to.

I mean it must be possible because everyone I know has a group of friends. I just can’t help but wonder if there’s something wrong with me.

Why can’t it be as easy as middle school?

Work. Eat. Sleep. Repeat. 

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Sometimes I feel like I’m doing nothing in my life. Sure, my new job makes me feel great… but at the same time I get bored of this cycle. I hate the feeling like I wake up everyday to work. I wish I could be out exploring the world, learning new things. Alas, I have to make money.

Being fairly young it’s daunting to think that in 10 years I’ll be in the same cycle, maybe add a husband and kids. As a child I thought adulthood meant doing whatever you wanted: staying up late, hanging out with friends, watching movies, and going shopping. I knew work existed, but I hadn’t quite grasped the idea that you work everyday!

It would be great if didn’t have to work so much and instead could spend time doing things we enjoyed. I know realistically speaking that it wouldn’t be possible because nothing would happen. We would have no doctors, teachers, and cashiers. Everyone would be out indulging in their hobbies.

I’m not saying I never want to work, I just wish there was more of a balance.

Does anyone else feel like they want to escape this endless cycle?

 

I Need To Attend An Adult 101 Class

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This is a class I’d be happy to attend. As I’m sitting here trying to figure out what the heck is a credit score, I can’t help but feel like a hopeless adult. I was not prepared for the transition from college to the adult world. I mean, of course I know the basics. I know how to cook, clean, drive, and look competent. That being said, I am still constantly texting and calling my mom for help. I’m convinced she knows the solution to everything.

To be perfectly honest I still feel so young. In my head I kind of thought that once I graduated college I’d suddenly be all independent and responsible with my full time job and own house. Yeah… it doesn’t quite work like that. Sure, it’s probably easier for some people to be an adult. I’ve got Facebook friends getting engaged and married while I’m here still feeling like a kid.

This whole thing was triggered by doing my taxes. It wasn’t the first time I’ve done them but it always leaves me feeling drained and confused. I just wish that there was a judgement free class that could answer my questions about life. I’m tired of seeing everyone around me look so put together.

“So… You Still Live With Your Parents?”

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Yes, I live with my parents. I graduated college in December and have been living at my parents house for the past couple of months. I did try to move out by applying to jobs around the country but somehow the jobs that I seemed to get interviews for were all in the city my parents live in. So you are asking, why I don’t move out? Well, the city my parent’s live in is amazing, but unfortunately crazy expensive. I have the choice of moving out and getting apartment or buying a new car. I chose the new car because… well, I honestly get free food and internet at home so it’s not all that bad.

I think there’s a huge stigma for people who live with their parents after college or in their late 20s. I don’t feel terrible living at home but I do wonder if other’s think I have no independence. I have lived on my own before so I am perfectly capable to caring for myself. It’s just funny how something as small as living at your parents house reflects so badly on a person. My parents don’t mind if I live with them for a little while (as long as I help out around the house) so I can save money to get my own place. So why is it anyone’s  problem?

Now, I understand that graduates are expected to live on their own after they graduate and begin their lives independently. I would have loved to do that but other circumstances have gotten in the way. I just don’t think that a recent college graduate should feel pressure to live on their own when they are just stepping foot into the real world.

Got hired on the spot! Take that anxiety! 

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This may be a boring post to read but I am so proud of myself! I actually went to my interview (if you have read my previous posts you’ll know I have a habit of skipping them). I spent 15 minutes dry heaving in my car beforehand, but luckily my dad drove with me into the city so I wasn’t all alone feeling terrible. I seriously wanted to turn around and go home but I somehow mustered up the courage to go in. It also didn’t help that it was pouring rain outside so I my clothes were half wet going into the interview.

It lasted about 40 minutes and at times I admit I was getting hot flashes and dizziness. I was able to make it through the whole interview with only stumbling over my words a few times. In the end they offered me a job that sounds like a great fit for me (and that makes use of my degree…)! I was shocked because I was convinced they would have been able to tell how nervous I was.

Anyway, there’s no real point of this post besides reminding myself and others that anxiety does not need to rule your life! It’s better to take a chance and fail than to take no chance at all.