I Need To Attend An Adult 101 Class

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This is a class I’d be happy to attend. As I’m sitting here trying to figure out what the heck is a credit score, I can’t help but feel like a hopeless adult. I was not prepared for the transition from college to the adult world. I mean, of course I know the basics. I know how to cook, clean, drive, and look competent. That being said, I am still constantly texting and calling my mom for help. I’m convinced she knows the solution to everything.

To be perfectly honest I still feel so young. In my head I kind of thought that once I graduated college I’d suddenly be all independent and responsible with my full time job and own house. Yeah… it doesn’t quite work like that. Sure, it’s probably easier for some people to be an adult. I’ve got Facebook friends getting engaged and married while I’m here still feeling like a kid.

This whole thing was triggered by doing my taxes. It wasn’t the first time I’ve done them but it always leaves me feeling drained and confused. I just wish that there was a judgement free class that could answer my questions about life. I’m tired of seeing everyone around me look so put together.

Do I Really Have A Soul Mate?

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Not everyone believes in soul mates, and I’m on the fence myself. Is there really only ONE person in this entire world that is perfect for me? I find it hard to believe that, considering the sheer population of this planet. And what if my soul mate is living in Spain? What if my soul mate has already gotten married? What if my soul mate died last week? Am I doomed for the rest of my love life? I really hope not.

I would love to have that fairy tale ending where I have my own Prince Charming. Of course, I can’t wait around for that. I don’t want to be sitting on my bed wishing every day for the next twenty years that he will come walking through my door. I promise you, I’m not here to totally bash the theory of soul mates. I’ve definitely met couples who seem great together. I’m sure in their minds they have found their soul mates, and I am truly happy for them. However, I believe the majority of relationships have their ups and downs, twists and turns. So I’d be worried if a relationship was all glitters and rainbows. I’m curious as to how many people believe they have married their soul mate?

So yes, maybe there are soul mates, but I think that word should be plural. There’s multiple people in this world that I would be “perfect” with. Instead of 1 in 7 billion how about 25 in 7 billion? Chances are I wont meet more than one or two of them in my life, but as long as I feel like I’m with someone who strengthens me then I’ll be happy.

But I’m just a young naive girl, what do I know about marriage? 🙂

 

How To Deal With Anxiety?

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How do others deal with anxiety? Anxiety seems to consume my every thought and action. The idea of coping with it seems almost impossible when I feel anxiety attacks coming on to me. The mix of the physical symptoms (shaking, sweating, heart racing) and thoughts (you are going to fail etc.) make it difficult for me to think rationally.

So how do I deal with it? I try many different things, and get some success. The biggest thing that helps for me is making sure I don’t think negatively. If I see myself going in a cycle of negative thoughts I’ll try to counteract it or distract myself. It’s not easy at all.

Another thing that helps me cope is making sure I eat enough. When I’m anxious I can’t stomach any food, it makes me feel too sick. Of course this is probably one reason I am so tiny. Not enough food means lack of energy, and that usually means I’ll be more anxious. I make sure to carry around a water bottle and granola bar in my bag.

Mediation and breathing techniques help wonders. I feel silly doing breathing techniques in public but they certainly make a difference. Mediation is great especially when I just wake up. I’ll be honest, meditation isn’t easy to get a hang of. I still struggle with trying to stop my racing thoughts.

Lastly, blogging helps! Just getting my thoughts out and connecting with others is a great way to lessen my anxiety. It helps knowing that I’m not alone in this battle with my anxiety. It’s really not easy to find coping methods.

Having An Unaffectionate Parent Is Hard

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My mom is very outgoing, happy, and affectionate. My dad on the other hand is very straight to the point, not very affectionate, and speaks his mind. Both my parents have great qualities to them and have helped me so much in life. It just has been hard growing up with a parent that wasn’t affectionate.

I wouldn’t describe him as “fatherly”. It annoyed me watching movies and seeing the dads in them because they were nothing like mine. I used to compare my dad to my friend’s dads. Once my dad even got me to compare my friends dad’s to him, asking me who was nicer. I know my dad cares for me and wanted me to succeed but he doesn’t do a great job at showing it. I don’t fully blame him, he grew up in a very “broken” household. He is far better than his own father, which I give him a lot of credit for.

I always wanted a dad that was laid back and approachable. My dad is the complete opposite of laid back. Being around him is like walking on eggshells to make sure that nothing is said or done to annoy him. There are times, though, that his “fatherly” side will shine through the rest of his personality. If anyone is sick in my family he becomes extremely concerned and caring. That gives me some sense of relief to know that he has a soft spot.

Sometimes I look back on my childhood and teen years and wonder what it would have been like to have a father more like my mother. Would my life be better? Would my anxiety be less? I can ask myself these questions over and over again, but what is the point? You can’t change someone, especially not your own parent. Plus, I should just be grateful that I have a father in my life.

“No offense, but you look like a girl who watches The Bachelor”

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So… I was talking to some guy in a class just a few weeks ago. We were acquaintances and had met earlier in the week. I had just gotten done telling him my “secret” passion, I absolutely love playing video games. This isn’t something I tell others about because honestly, I am afraid of being judged as geeky or lame. Anyway, this was his response after I spilled my guts about love for games… “No offense, but you look like a girl who watches The Bachelor.”

I didn’t know how to respond. I didn’t even know what that means. How do you look like someone who watches The Bachelor…? I haven’t seen a single episode of The Bachelor in my life so I was pretty confused. Also why should I be offended for watching The Bachelor? Do only certain types of girls watch The Bachelor? These are all things I wanted to ask him but I was too caught up in my head trying to decipher the last sentence.

He then when on to say things along the lines of, “Oh it’s cool you play video games, because you also take time to dress really nice!”. At this point I figured he had an awful stereotype of “girly girls” and “tomboys”. I don’t feel like I fit in either category, and why does it even matter which one I am?

I have no problem playing a video game while reality TV is playing in the background!

Blogging Has Taught Me That There’s Always Someone Willing To “Listen”

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As a naturally shy and quiet girl, I tend to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself. Blogging was a huge step for me because I never really expressed myself especially not so publicly. To be honest, I wrote my first blog post with no expectations. I didn’t think a single person would read my blog, I mean why should they? It’s nothing but my personal thoughts… isn’t that boring? Fast forward to a little over a month later and I’m shocked that people are visiting my site!

It’s crazy to me that people are willing to read what I write. In life I always feel like my thoughts or ideas are going to sound dumb so I just hide them. Now that I’m able to express myself freely it’s so exciting to see that people like my ideas! Sure, it’s still a bit scary to hit the publish button but I don’t fear judgement as much as I used to.

It’s quite comforting to me to know that people all over the world are sending me positive messages. That’s why I like to take my time and follow and read as many different blogs as possible. I wonder if others feel this way too.

Wavy/Curly Hair Struggles

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I was born with straight shiny black hair (see previous blog post for picture). Unfortunately, by the time I hit 5th grade it started to become wavy. Now my hair is wavy for the most part, but sometimes it’ll dry completely curly. I have spent way too much time cursing my hair and wishing it was straight. In fact, it doesn’t even have to be straight… it just needs to be the RIGHT amount of wavy, like beach waves.

The thing I hate most about my hair is that as soon as I run a brush through it my hair gets 5 times bigger. Hair brushes make my hair way too poofy and frizzy. I try to straighten my hair and that just leaves me frustrated. I get split ends so quick from using all that heat on my hair, plus I suck at straightening the back of my head so it looks ridiculous. And of course once I start straightening I have to keep going till I finish.

Don’t even get me started on humidity. I know as soon as I visit anywhere humid that I should simply give up on my hair, there is no use. As soon as I step outside all my great work will be gone. I have even gotten to the point of warning others that my hair will be a mess.

Oh, and lets not forget falling asleep with wet hair. Falling asleep with wet hair is pretty much an invitation for my hair to turn into a huge knot. It’s actually quite funny to see which gravity defying  directions my hair dries in.

Oh well, there’s worse things in life.

7 Things I would change about the way I look…

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I’m not ugly but I’m also not stunningly beautiful either (unless you ask my parents…). I think most people would describe themselves this way. So, I decided to make a short list of things I wish I could change about my looks. Nothing too serious… just thought it would be fun to see what I really thought since I’m always complaining.

  1. My smile is HUGE (see baby pic) I wish it was smaller. I hate that people always comment on my smile!
  2. I wish I was a good 4 inches taller, that’s all I need!
  3. I have the highest cheekbones ever, I swear. I hate them, for some reason I’d prefer a more round face. Instead my face is like a square.
  4. Straight hair! My hair is wavy but not the cute kind of wavy, more like the messy wavy. Plus, straight hair would mean I wouldn’t have to spend ages on my hair to make it look reasonable.
  5. A more toned body. I know I could change this one on my own but I am so lazy. I lack any motivation to exercise.
  6. No pimples! Most have gone away but I always have those few pesky pimples that drive me crazy.
  7. Lastly, I would change my eye color. My eyes are seriously black. I wish I had lighter eyes, even light brown would be nice.

It’s funny to look back at that list and realize how silly they all sound even though I know that everyone has something they would love to change about themselves.

“So… You Still Live With Your Parents?”

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Yes, I live with my parents. I graduated college in December and have been living at my parents house for the past couple of months. I did try to move out by applying to jobs around the country but somehow the jobs that I seemed to get interviews for were all in the city my parents live in. So you are asking, why I don’t move out? Well, the city my parent’s live in is amazing, but unfortunately crazy expensive. I have the choice of moving out and getting apartment or buying a new car. I chose the new car because… well, I honestly get free food and internet at home so it’s not all that bad.

I think there’s a huge stigma for people who live with their parents after college or in their late 20s. I don’t feel terrible living at home but I do wonder if other’s think I have no independence. I have lived on my own before so I am perfectly capable to caring for myself. It’s just funny how something as small as living at your parents house reflects so badly on a person. My parents don’t mind if I live with them for a little while (as long as I help out around the house) so I can save money to get my own place. So why is it anyone’s  problem?

Now, I understand that graduates are expected to live on their own after they graduate and begin their lives independently. I would have loved to do that but other circumstances have gotten in the way. I just don’t think that a recent college graduate should feel pressure to live on their own when they are just stepping foot into the real world.